A day in the life of a Broken raid ORIGINAL (old post)

A original 'Day in the Life of a Broken raid' post from a loooong time ago, ICC days and 2010 to be exact.  MANY MANY jokes that you just had to be there for. 

POD:  Ok, boys and girls it’s time to raid.  For the love of all things, why are there only 20 people logged in and 48 signed up 5 minutes before raid?

Moonglum:  whispers Mavre, so, what’s the agenda tonight??

Mav to Moonglum:  DUDE, it’s on the calendar and you signed up 15 minutes ago for tonight’s raid!

Moonglum:  Um, how do I get to ICC again?  Is that in Deadwind Pass (unfortunately ironic)

Mav:  It’s in Icecrown in Northrend.

Moonglum:  Northrend?  What is that?  Is that a new area for Cata that leaked into this expansion? 

Mav:  /faceplam

Moonglum: Can you summon me?

Mav: /fistface

2 minutes to raid time.  Group still forming….. 

Wornight:  In a garbled voice due to gummy worms, announces ICC 25 group is still forming and last few spots are being worked out. 

GCHAT:  so, what’s the plan for tonight??????

Officer chat:  wtf?!?!

Barbaros logs on. 

Barb:  guys, do you need me tonight?

Officers:  yes we do.

Barb:  Ok, I need 5 minutes to chain smoke 3 cigarettes and eat a bowl of cereal while waiting for my Chinese food

Raid finally begins 15 minutes late.  Trash goes down like butter as gchat is riddled with can I get a cookie?   

Did we drop a table yet?  Who has an extra flask?  Dude, who gquit?  Why did they gquit?  That person was a tool anyway….

Trash down.  First boss is in front of raid.

Mav starts explaining the fight.

Uzgroog /rages in dps channel

After 5 minutes, we ready check

Someone asks in vent the strat for this boss

/faceplam

Abridged explanation by Mav

Ready check

Handful not ready…

Random tank asks for a flask…

Random rogue realizes the new dagger they got was not enchanted and asks if they can port back to Dalaran to get mats now….

Random hunter in a pvp spec and must switch

Yanni straps on his mp5 set

2^nd Ready Check – ALL GOOD

RIGHT before pull, someone realizes no feast.  POD calls for a feast.

4 people drop a feast

/faceplam

Ready Check, all are ready except G

POD bellows out over vent, G, are you there??

Crickets…

POD yells out over vent again, G, are you there??

G:  sorry, I was alt tabbed surfing this German porn flick from the 60s

First boss fight commences.  The boss has been done ad nauseum by 90% of the raid, so a side bar begins about the various uses of butter in the bedroom

Moonglum:  You guys have never used butter?  It slides right in…….the butt……no mess….and it smells good too….

Awkward silence, some lol, some horrified, some ponder a gquit

Loss of focus due to butter conversation as T dreams of ways Joe can use butter on her and misses a heal on Barbaros and then Barbaros goes down….

GAMO TOU HRISTO SOU!!! is screamed over vent by Barb at volume 1000

T laughs and Joe goes ninja afk to the refrigerator praying that he sees Parkay or Country Crock

A druid brezes Barbaros

He accepts it, and screams HHHEAAAAALLLLSS!!

Barbaros receives no heals and DIES again from a boss cleave…

GAMO TOU HRISTO SOU!!! is screamed over vent…again……

Yanni announces that his fps is 1 and that he may need to switch into his haste gear

DRINK....and….DRINK!

Wornight goes down and announces, DK down, wipe it up!  (old joke from naxx days, some will get it, some won’t, priceless though.)

25% boss health left, raid chat starts talking about the possible boss loot

POD:  FOCUS!!!  We just lost 5 people on a farm boss and he’s got 25% health

Moonglum:  Dude, we could do this on heroic with 8 people at this point, don’t worry, relax

Moonglum diaf

Boss goes down.  Dead are rezzed.  Rogues last, always….

Officer chat:  that was sloppy…..

Officer chat:  I’ll show you something sloppy…..

Wornight starts loot.

Main spec, Plate dps boots.  Roll please.

Weamz rolls to vendor them on AH so that he can get his gold total high enough to buy Activision….

Gummy bears in mouth Wornight slurs, this is MAIN SPEC Weamz and no AH rolling…

Mav:  guys afk, I just had an accident

Raid:  Mav not privy to conversation while away assumes the very worst

Raid:  Dude, Mav should see a doctor or get depends

LOLs across the raid

Mav returns with no drawers and announces he is sorry, but he did not make it

Raid member asks if Mav has seen doctor

He responds yes and goes into the story of his GI and have Mav has never quite been the same since and how a man can go into that line of medicine is bizarre.

Wornight:  makes a joke….

Raid chat:  was that for real?

Raid chat:  easily one of the worst jokes I have heard in 2010….

Raid chat:  …or ever

Raid chat:  /slitwrist

Raid gets to the 2^nd boss of the night.

¾ of the raid is at least ½ drunk.

Mav starts in with the boss fight explanation

Wornight:  Can we do my next quest in the chain for Frostmourne?

Raid:  Dude, you are still going for that?  You know Cata is like a week or 2 away right?

Wornight:  It will be good for guild to have a legendary item.

Officer chat (Wornight): I just really want it and it looks cool, F the guild.

Officer:  Just DE it already, its less stress.

Wornight:  So, for this boss fight in order to complete the next part of this quest, I need to take one in the face and then from the behind…

Raid:  awkward silence…

Raid:  Chris, we think you already did this quest in RL….

Yanni:  Guys, I may need to bail out, one of my tenants just clogged their toilet.  If I take the Cross Boston expressway I could be back in 17 minutes, but if there is traffic…

DRINK!!!!!

Joe:  So, Moonie, would margarine work?

Chris:  How about if you use ‘I Can’t believe It’s Not Butter’?

Raid:  Wow, we can’t believe you said that…

Fray:  I swear guys, I am NOT gay.  I just drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade , spiked Ecto-Cooler, and 

Boone’e Farm at frat parties with sweaty dudes.

Officer:  Fray, please stop talking before we demote you back to member. 

Ishin logs on!  Woot!

GCHAT: ISHIN!!

Ishin immediately logs off!!  Unwoot! 

New ready check.  If you think Skabz is a keylogger then hit YES, if hes not then click NO.  24-1 for YES.

…This is where the first one ended…I added more at some point I guess

3^rd boss of the night approaches the raid

A little perturbed from Wornight’s bad jokes, the raid wipes on a farm boss

Barbaros:  Guys, I have a new strat for this boss.  Let’s go 4 tanks, 1 healer, and have dps ping pong the boss around the room. 

Officer:  Why after 1 wipe does the peanut gallery chime in with crazy off the wall strats?

Jimmy:  Why don’t we do it heroic? 

Raid:  Jimmy,  this is one of the hardest bosses to do on heroic mode.

Jimmy:  No way guys, I did it in a pug….

Raid:  Jimmy, we looked up your achievements history and you’ve never downed this boss on heroic…

Jimmy:  Achievement history?  What is that?  How do I get that?  Is it an addon?

Raid:  You have to walk, not run to Silvermoon and seek out the achievement vendor.  You’ll need exalted 

Argent Dawn rep though to speak to him.  Once you do, you'll need to cut a tree down with a herring…and…..nevermind….

Porkofdoom:  I have an idea.  Why don’t we use the strat the way we have been doing it for 4 months….

Raid:  Hmm, that may just work boss man!

Boss goes down easily on 2^nd try.

Fray brings up Dragons and the upcoming Cataclysm expansion

Mav:  I hate fing dragons.

Fray:  Better get used to them, that’s all the Cata bosses.

Barbaros chimes in that he can’t WAIT for Cataclysm. (of course he will be hot and heavy then disappear after 2 weeks) 

(Everyone also always says they cant wait until the expansions come out, then when they actually come out and the content is shit and game bugged.)

Raid:  Duuude, WOTLK sucked compared to BC content.

Mav:  Isn’t it amazing how in vanilla BRD took 3-4 hours and now, a 15 minute 5 man is too long?

This starts the reminiscent part of the raid night.

Skabz:  Remember 40 man raids??

Raid:  Where were you when OJ was pronounced not guilty…I mean when the doors to AQ opened?

Raid:  Duuude, AQ was a piece of shit.

Raid:  ZG was a piece of shit.

Raid:  Your mother is a piece of shit….

Mav:  AQ.  That’s when I quit, when boss models went to crabs, I had enough.

Raid:  MC ruled.

Raid: MC ruled if you had no life and wanted to spend 8 hours in one place and assload of trash and accumulate tons of DKP, and your guild goes into a downward spiral due to the MT of your former guild poaching GB mats to make thunderfury, and culminating with a guild split into 2 smaller guilds wherein you lost all your DKP and were stuck with a piece of T2 loot.  (gloves to be specific)

POD:  Ok, Ok, let’s focus guys.  We got like 3 bosses down and we want to get to LK either tonight or tomorrow.  I like the banter and chatter.

Jimmy:  Can we do LK on heroic?  It’s the same as normal mode right?  He has a BiS dagger for me….

Mav:  Mis and Lib just logged on.

Raid:  Mage down….

LOL through the raid.

Raid:  Darkie just logged on, didn’t you say we need a lock?

Raid:  Yes, a good one that doesn’t sit there dead waiting to be rezzed on EVERY death and EVERY wipe.   Hence, the term, we got another Darkie…

Mav:  Taki, what ever happened to the hunter recruit that stacked spellpower?

Taki:  Still looking for guild.

Mav:  I say we get him in.  I wonder if he’d gquit after being sat ONCE.

GROANS and oooooooooooo’s swarm through the raid.

Mav:  Are Rak jokes too premature?  I heard “What you talking about Willis” jokes like a day or 2 after he died….

Taki:  Can we get a rogue to disarm some traps please???

Raid:  Can we get filthy #1, #2, or #3 to do something except surf through Atlas loot….

Approach 4^th boss.

Mav starts explaining the fight

Mav:  Ok, don’t diaf, move out of any debuff you aren’t used to seeing and since no one watches videos anymore and wants easy shiny loot we don’t know the name of the debuff, heal people, tank things that hit hard, dps all shit that moves, and /dance when the boss goes down.  Joke rolls on loot will only speed up the raid and are encouraged!

Uz gquits during explanation after QQing in dps channel. 

Jimmy:  Anyone have a jeeves?  I forgot to repair the last 16 times we wiped.

Weamz wrote an app called iGold

Mav and Wornight receive 15 whispers about taking a 5 minute break to smoke.

The deprived nicotine members are fiending and ready to lose their composure as POD smokes away at his computer and smiles and refuses to break

Ready check for boss

4 people DC

FFS!

Jimmy:  Let’s just do it 3 short.  In a pug I was in we…..

/RAIDHEALS Why the F are DPS and tanks in here???  We do not interrupt their channel…..