Friday, May 16, 2014

The Date




Intro

In case you are not aware, I am going through a tough time in my personal life and some stories have culminated from this tough time, some sad, some dramatic, some humorous, and the story to be told next, was down-right horrifying to me.  Be as it may, without getting into too many details, I have re-started dating in the last 9 months and for not having dated in over  a decade, the entire dating process has certainly changed now.  (fill-in whatever you need to between those lines for now, more of my story will come out eventually, but not now.   First and foremost to prep for dating, I lost 55 lbs from June 2013 to September 2013 to get myself back into to what I call “date-able” shape, but I cannot hide my gray hairs nor will I…for now.  I do think a true testament to the awful aging process is when your nose hairs start graying.  I assume gray pubes would be just as bad if not worse, but I haven’t spotted any yet…..yet.

Online Dating

Online dating is the oddest, weirdest, most awkward experience, but how else does someone my age in my situation find dates/girls anymore?  I said back in my 20s I never wanted to be that old dude in the corner of a bar, so I do not frequent bars that often.  Anyway, I do plan on blogging or even writing a book on my online dating experiences and some of the funnier moments of dating. 

The Girl

One specific date stands out among the rest and I have shared the story many a times and before I get older and forget it, I wanted to get it down on paper.  I met this person online, we shall call her K.  She reached out to me first via the online dating site I was using at the time and we communicated for a bit and then she sort of dropped off.  Not uncommon in online dating fwiw.  Months later she resurfaced just asking how I was doing (I told her my story when we first communicated and that is probably why she buggered off).  We went back and forth and I finally just asked what her intentions were beyond asking me how I was doing.  She admitted she was interested and thought I had a genuine persona and wanted to get to know me further.  I had no issue with that as she was a NYC lawyer, tall, attractive, and was a really good communicator via email.  Email and texting communication is a major turn off if done wrong, I know that sounds weird, but you try online dating and see if you don’t feel the same way, so don’t judge me!  After much back and forth and I being really impressed at how eloquent and sweet this girl was, I asked her out for a drink in NYC and we decided to have a rendezvous at a bar on a Friday night.  I typically pick the places for a first date as an Alpha male, but in this case she knew I liked craft beer and she picked a new craft beer bar that was close to my friend’s place (who I went to see earlier) and we were to meet at this new beer bar, which was certainly brownie points for her.  The stage was set for this date.


Dr. Jekyl

I decided to take the train in rather than drive in.  $45 later I am at the bar (train+cab ride, YES, welcome to NYC) I arrive before our rendezvous time as is always my plan to arrive before my date.  I sit down and get one beer while I wait.  I see her walk in and she is tall (5’10”) and is her age which is 31 (I had a recent date where the girl said 36 and had to be 48 when we met, different story altogether and can be added to my online dating memoirs).  So, she is certainly attractive and we exchange hugs and there is no nervousness as she is pretty darn cool and this isn’t my first online date, I have had a bunch under my belt by now and got used to that initial awkwardness.  She has an IPA, Jai Alai from Cigar City, the same beer I am drinking and we start chatting.  Her answers are impeccable and she seems to have all the right answers, probably too perfect, so I tried to be cautious, but enjoying myself and having really good conversation and a great time.   

We do not order any food and get 3-4 beers deep each.  Not sure if she was trying to go one for one with me or not, but the night was just flowing nicely.   I am not 100% sure how much time has elapsed by this point, but we get into even more beer (maybe 5-6 per now).  We are chatting pretty closely as it got later and the bar got louder and we kissed.  I had no issue with that, but then she kisses me more and starts using tongue and nearly making out with me and sort of won’t stop.  It felt nice to be desired, but at the same time, I am not that into people watching me make out, so I pulled back, but she came back for more a few more times.  At this point I realize it is after 1:30 am and the last train out of NYC has left.  I am now stuck in NYC.  She sees a look on my face when I check my watch and asks me what is wrong and I tell her that I just missed my train.  She says I can stay at her place on her couch, but that she would never normally do that and not to have any expectations, I answer, OF COURSE and honestly, I did not have any expectations.  So, we talk more and maybe have 1 more beer each and she is still unflappable even after all these beers.  I then excuse myself to goto the men’s room and when I come back she had a look on her face.  She says to me, “So, I guess you like short blondes?”  I think to myself, wow, how does she know my soon to be ex is a short blonde, so in my mind I think, holy shit, she is a crazy fing STALKER!  I play dumb and I ask what she means by that.  She proceeds to tell me she saw me staring at a short blonde when I went to the bathroom.  I look behind me and sure enough there is a younger (22ish year old) cute blonde behind me surrounded by 6 dudes who I 1000% did not look at or even notice as the bar was packed and she was surrounded.  Also, even if I did, who cares right?  This is a few hours into a first date.  I tell her she is silly and I blow it off.  We talk more as she continues to try and make out with me in the bar.  We leave at some point and head back to her apartment.

Mr. Hyde

We get to her place and sit on the couch and we talk a bit and she tries to invite me to meet her friends the next weekend.  I said, uhhmm, I do not know, my situation isn’t so flexible.  She seems perturbed to some extent, but I could have just been drunk.  After a few more minutes this is where she turned.  We proceed to make out a little more and then she literally assaulted me sexually and started talking so filthy dirty to the likes that I have never heard such things uttered to me before.   I tried to go with flow, but I was uncomfortable and wishing I was home at that point.  I will refrain from quoting her 100% for some reasons of embarrassment and to make this blog entry a bit more PC and PG for the younger audience that may read this.  She said things like, “I am an unclean not so tall girl”, “I like it very vigorous and with extreme passion”, “I want your not flaccid member to invade my moist orifice”, “I want to explore your entire anatomy”, “I want you to fornicate the poop out of me”.  Now hold on one minute, who in their right mind would ever want that desired result?!   It didn’t end there.   “I want you to feel my entire anatomy”,  “I am unclean and like to be fornicated with extreme passion”, and finally, “I don’t do this normally or with just anyone”. 
She was relentless and we ended up on her bed in her bedroom, I dared not reject her now as she was extremely aggressive.  She then asks me if I have ever had the egg used on me.  I exclaim, NO! and that I had no idea what the egg is.  She seems extremely surprised and pulls out a plastic egg looking container and when she really realized I had no clue what it was, she really was shocked, but none of it stopped her from undressing me and continuing this assault on me, I swear she had 8 arms as I could not keep up with her advances and groping.  I started playing some real defense now as I didn’t know where this activity was going and I literally was scared.  She then opens her night stand drawer and I gaze upon the likes of sex toys to the magnitude of such that I had never imagined even existed.  I did not recognize what some of that stuff would even be used for.  She took stuff out and wanted me to “diddle” her with some toys.  At this point, I just had to play possum and started pretending I was falling asleep as her advances never ceased.  I think I fought her off for an hour when she finally passed out (or fell asleep) and I fell asleep right after from physical exhaustion.  I really thought I was going to wake up in handcuffs.   I haven’t prayed in years, I prayed that night.

Good Morning Sunshine

The next morning I awake first. I do a quick scan of myself and check for any handcuff marks on my wrists, fluids, bite marks, cuts, scrapes, bruises, stains, etc.  All clean, phew.  My prayers were answered.   I am just in my boxers and scour the room with my eyes so I do not wake her and I do not see my clothes anywhere.  I have to wake her up to find my clothes.  Without skipping a beat she turns into octopus hands and starts groping me all over again and asking me about using the egg on me again.  I tell her I have to go home and I do not know where my clothes are.  She begrudgingly looks around and cannot find them either, I then notice my shirt slightly sticking out of one of her drawers and open it and VOILA, there are my clothes.  She claims she doesn’t remember doing that and admittedly we were both pretty intoxicated, her more than me.  I do still wonder though.  Well, I get dressed quickly and say thanks and say it was nice to meet you and give her a little hug and got out of there.  I take a cab and end up missing the train so now I have to wait another hour at NY Penn Station.  I would normally have been upset over this, but NY Penn Station for an hour was a better proposition than being with that whacko for another hour.

Le Fin

I get on the train and want to try and take a nap as I did not get much sleep and my phone starts receiving texts.  It is obviously from K and it reads that my goodbye to her seemed awkward.  I responded, with, well, I thought some things went well, but other things we could discuss.  Her response was then, well, I don’t normally do that with people I just met and that no one likes to be rejected and this is a rejection, and she must have misinterpreted the situation, so thank you and goodbye with a smiley emoticon.  I was scared that would not be the last text, but amazingly it was and a relieving conclusion to easily the most traumatic and shocking dating experience of my life.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

If you shake more than 3 times…..








Intro

An off the beaten path blog post, but here goes as I feel this is information than can longer be contained by the few and must be shared with our fellow brothers.  It has come up many times in raid vent that men, as they enter their more mature years (30+), begin to have this phenomenon happen called “dripping” or “leaking”.  This blog post will outline the problem and a potential solution to this dilemma plaguing all these mature men.

Dripping??  WTF??

What is dripping/leaking you ask?  It is the aftermath of what happens once a man finishes with #1 and shakes 10, 15, even up to 20 times, and then stuffs his appendage back into his pants or through his zipper, then the appendage, as if it has a mind of its own, proceeds to let our more liquid out in the underwear or pants if underwear was not worn or already discarded due to a prior accident. ;).  Sometimes a few drops slip out, sometimes a stream big enough to fill 1/8 cup, sometimes you feel like you were just peed on by a raised leg dog.  It is an affliction, dare I say, a disease, but there is hope.   It has to be a horrible feeling knowing you made it to the bathroom yet SOMEHOW just pissed yourself.

Solution

I do not know where I heard about this or why it even works, but I swear it does.  It does involve a little more touching though, so those not comfortable with themselves may want to stop reading or continue to pee themselves.  Once you finish #1 and shake 10-20 times, place your respective index fingers under your testes where the testes meet the shaft and push upward.  A squirt of liquid will come out, the size and breath of the stream will vary and could be directly correlated to how hard you tug upward (more testing is necessary and clinical trials haven’t commenced yet).  Repeat this thrust 5 times until no more liquid emerges and VOILA, no more yellow stain!  This may confuse those that use the yellow stain as a marker for ‘FRONT’ on their underwear, but it’ll keep you fresh and dry.  Now YOU know and knowing is half the battle!  GI Joe!  The Real American Hero!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

WOD Healing Changes Commentary



Intro

Blizzard recently made a watercoolor post about the drastic changes in healing in WOD.  Rather than painstakingly go through each line and dissecting it, which I was originally going to do, I decided to just give my opinion on the overall changes and message from Blizzard.

The Changes

In a nutshell, less spikey and more consistent low to moderate damage to heal, heals will be smaller overall, triage healing will be back, no abilities will 1 shot players anymore, heals will be less smart, many instants now have cast times, and OMG…healers won’t be able to spam anything they want incessantly anymore?!  DUM DUM DUM!!!!!!!  That is IT!  I am quitting WOW!!  How DARE they?   I want to just have every one of my heals keep everyone at 100% and never see a health bar move, and never have mana issues, and I want healing to always be easy, and I don’t want to have to stop and heal, and I want ALL instants….  Blizzard, you ruined my life……I am going back to Ultima Online (my first MMO)

Seriously Now

WAAA  WAAA WAAA to all those not embracing the changes incoming.  Healing has become boring in T16.  It has become a product of, who can bubble better or spam heal better.  No one really is in jeopardy of dying unless they get globalled.  Healing HAS to change, I have been saying it for a while now how homogenized it feels.  I am reading on forums where people are drawing a parallel to early Cata and T11 healing being too hard and this being like that.  I CAN ONLY WISH they brought back that difficulty and healing style, it separated many of the skilled healers vs. people that just wanted to heal as a change of pace.  Blizzard already said that it will NOT be like that, there were severe mana issues in early Cata (and I LOVED that by the way), but they already stated they are aware of the healer QQ back then.  Mana regen will be buffed in early WOD to compensate and then taper off in each tier (we shall see).  The problem with the last tier and a half becoming spam fests has been an ongoing Blizzard/WOW issue since I have been playing and healing. 

Wait…I have to think?

Every healer will now need to strategize and know when heavy raid damage is coming and be prepared for it.  This is a nice change.  The whole ‘set it and forget it’ healing style sucks and is boring.  E.g. Drop this totem or cast this spell and it heals ALL the most injured people automatically with no decision making by the healer.  It sounds as if Blizzard is going back to the proximity healing and I say GOOD, it is about time.  Stop dumbing down the game and especially healing.  To me, the harder and more thought provoking healing becomes, the better.  I love the challenge, crave the challenge, it is why I began healing and never looked back and abandoned being rDPS on my warlock.

Conclusion
 
BRING IT ON!  I love the changes and cannot wait to heal in WOD.  It sounds like it will reignite the healing fire in my belly.  It may turn some away from WOW or to other specs, but these changes bring me closer and back to what I love to do in game, heal raids and have to strategize my spells, use my entire arsenal, worry about my mana, know when and how to regen it smartly…..well…..and raid lead at the same time….let’s not forget about that.  I am excited and for all those QQing, I wave my private parts at you.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Team Elite



Intro

I didn't think I would be blogging about Team Elite so quickly, but after last night's Garrosh kill, here we are!  

It is now widely known (for those part of the 2 guilds involved) that a group of folks mainly from the raid group known as Team Moist that originated from the guild Masochistic Tendencies, reformed into the guild known as Broken.  This has been blogged to death already, but what wasn’t known was how many other folks from MT would want to follow, not to be in TM, but to join Broken and start a second team, a new team, a team affectionately known now as Team Elite. (an inside joke for those wondering why we would call ourselves ‘elite’)

The Forming

It started when some folks from the guild Blackout approached Bloodrooted and I about potentially joining Broken.  We spoke about a 2nd 10 man team to get to H SOO raiding and it piqued everyone’s interest and so it began the building of this new team. 

Uphill Climb

After beating on a few trees, a group of folks initiated the group, but even that has already changed in the few short months since the inception of this group.  A few Blackout folks have rejoined Blackout while Broken brought a few new faces in to replace them.  The initial vibe was a little stagnant as the group was challenged with gear disparity and experience disparity, but time, gear, and dead bosses heals all.

Believe

Bloodrooted, myself, and Broken have a product we like to sell to those that follow us into battle…er…raid.  2 nights of raiding for 5 hours total to achieve established goals and have fun while doing it and NOT burning out or making it feel like a 2nd or 3rd job.  Most folks can go find a raid team and raid 20 hours a week and achieve great things; if that is what you want go for it, we will not stop you, and we cannot sell you that product.  BUT, ask anyone raiding that much how long they can sustain that schedule or ask them how much “fun” it actually is.  It isn’t a coincidence most REAL HC raiders (think Blood Legion, Method, etc) “retire” by age 25.  It is also not a coincidence folks that raid 3-5 nights a week take long breaks from WOW as burnout sets in.  I have been around since vanilla and Blood since TBC, the magic number for us is 2 nights and for those that continue to follow us.  Do people still burn out even after only 2 nights, unfortunately, yes. 

We do not promise miracles nor promise anything we cannot deliver and we do not pretend to be perfect (far from it), but we work hard and talk a lot, more out of game than in game (think about that).  We strive for what we can achieve and will try and combine like-minded, like skilled individuals in a group and have some fun doing it.  Will there be times of frustration?  Of course, but those are outweighed by the good times, the fun times, the dead bosses, the laughter, the awful jokes, the antics of a drunk raider leader on 
Friday Flex nights…wait  a minute….

All we ask is for folks to believe and to give the product time to breathe, to grow, to mature into what our final product can transform into, let it blossom into something beautiful as it has in the present and in the past with other great Broken raid teams and members. 

Team Elite started as a seed and has now quickly transformed into a flower, but it is still growing, where it ends up is impossible to predict, but we will continue to water it and feed it and pull out the weeds and keep nurturing it.  Can you smell it?  I sure can and it is starting to smell good and sweet.

Ride the Lightning

Last night, March 4, 2014 Team Elite downed Garrosh Hellscream (the hardest normal boss in MoP by a long shot) within 2 pulls after only working it maybe 30 times total and that includes some fill-in nights and a fair amount of technical issues to overcome.  The kill was a true testament that the team has meshed (I have a blog about ‘Synergy’ coming soon) and a testament to the execution and skill of the team.  The little ‘roar’ that sometimes comes after a kill like that was heard over vent last night, I won’t lie, I smiled and it felt pretty damn good.  Who I say I am proud of them?  No, these aren’t my children, but my fellow raiders, my guildies, but I am happy for all of them and happy to be part of the team and the Raid Leader of the team.  Certainly, they can and should be proud of themselves and I thank them for buying into what Broken has offered to accomplish.

The Players

Oishi – DK tank – Didn’t come over initially with the other Blackout folks, but found Broken out after a hiatus from raiding for a little bit.  Needed gear and geared fast and learned the fights fast.  He’s a keeper.  ;)

Tard – DK tank.  Tanked for me in MT on 2 of the teams I ran for MT.  A rock at the position and solider at heart.  A great guy that had easily one of the best forum posts of all time titled “herding cats” or something along those lines and I only wish I could link it.

Yakk – Lock – Yakk is a natural born leader that decided to join Broken and just be a raider.  A RL for a long time in MT (since T12) and until he took a break from the game at the end of T15.  He rcently has decided to rejoin the ranks of raiding in T16.  The wily WOW veteran that has been raiding and raid leading forever (even in vanilla with 40 mans) and a guy that I respect greatly.

Wylf – huntard #1 – Another raider from MT that has been on 2 of my teams in MT.  Works his toon to the max.  Rep grinds to the max (OCD much?).  Sometimes like to stand in the fire, but he is a hunter. So who can blame him.  ;)

Dannane – huntard #2 – Dannane came over to play and fillin as a backup raider for Broken.  When things changed, she was filling in weekly and was part of the kill last night and earned a spot on the team.  Her upward progress in skill is a nice thing to see.

Maisee/Peekabu – Resto Druid/Huntard #3 – Maisee was in one of my groups in MT and filled in a fair amount for TM back in MT.  She heals on her druid for 3 heal fights and DPSes on her huntard for 2 heal fights.  She’s the hybrid raider on the team, but on two different toons.  We appreciate her sacrifice and dedication to master both classes to help the team out.  She also likes craft beer and all know what I do on every raid night, craft beer + gold fish FTW.  Maybe one day she’ll send me some Le Cumbre!

Beeker – Rogue – Wow, I have known Beeker know since T12 or was it T13?  I raided with him in a number of guilds alliance side on weekends when I was moonlighting and just being a raider and not a raid leader.  Silent, but deadly just like his chosen class, I wonder if he sneaks up on people and stabs them IRL too.  He never knew my true “personality” (uh hum, drunk raid leader) until now, let’s hope I don’t scare him away. 

Bleep – Resto Druid – She literally joined 3 raids ago!  A welcome addition to the group and we hope she stays with us and sees in the little time she has raided with us what Broken is all about.  Not much to say her about her yet as we just met, but don’t let her Texas Southern accent fool you, she’s a player.

Tenley – Mage – At first, we were reluctant to let a guy under our age limit join the guild, but in time I realized his maturity level is higher than most double his age.  I am glad we took the risk as he is mature and a great raider that has been patient as others were gearing as he did kill Garrosh 3-4 months ago.  Thanks Tenley.

9?  I think I forgot about someone ....  ;)  

Mavros - healer - You seriously thought I was going to write something here?  ;)

I am sure I will have much more to say about each one of these folks if they stay with Broken and go into WOD with us. 

What Is Next?

HEROICS!  Normals are done and with only 5 hours a week, planning how much time to spend on heroics each week becomes a challenge.  Each week we will set an agenda and work the heroics as best we can.  They are the toughest PVE challenge Blizzard has to offer and there has not been a blanket nerf yet, so these are legit, but the puzzle they present to raid times to figure out is why I play WOW. 

Conclusion

It did not take long and maybe I thought it would have taken longer, but Team Elite has arrived and is on a roll.  Right now we run as 2 distinct groups and we are planning on doing more together going forward prior to WOD.  For now, TE will jump into some heroics and see what shakes out.  I can say good job to all, thank you for being patient, and let’s keep it going and have some more fun.