INTRO
With the impending new Stars Wars movie, which I am
reluctant to get excited about after the “first” three were so sub-par that I
can still taste the poo in my mouth when I think about them. Jar-jar and the awful skywalker casting
killed them both for me. So, perhaps the
title of this blog post is a bit of a stretch, but I was motivated by a few
things:
1)
The new SW movie (obviously, although the title
of my blog DOES refer back to a film that featured Muppets as characters…)
2)
News from Blizzcon 15
3)
Taki’s wiener sexts to me
4)
Seeing a picture of Ish on FB and furiously
masturbated to it
5)
Elements of the new xpac Legion are intriguing
6)
Elements of the new xpac Legion are NOT
intriguing
7)
I listened to my raid leading on H Impregnator
in whatever raid that was and got a woody
8)
I miss you guys, well, some of you guys
JUST THE 2 OF US
Accidents will and can happen. Before I dive too deep into a WOW tirade, I
had an accident recently that I wanted to share with my loyal readers. This particular accident happened while I was
vacationing in San Diego with who I will refer to as Mistress Mavros.
DISCLAIMER: If you
are faint of heart please skip to the next section of this blog post. (Seriously though, you know it has happened
to you too, so be real to yourself and everyone around you and read this)
For those unaware, I tore my ACL in early August playing
beach volleyball. I had reconstructive
knee surgery in early September and by the time myself and Mistress Mavros went
to SD, I was at the point of needing to do some of my own strengthening
exercises.
So, the first morning after having awesome Mexican food for
dinner the night before, I decided to goto the little makeshift gym at the resort
we were staying at to ride the stationary bike.
Mistress Mav was going to read a book on the balcony while I exercised. I planned on a 45 minute ride, but at the 20
minute mark, the stool must have worked itself closer to the sphincter than I
thought with all the rotating movement. I
guess I loosened it up a little bit. Being
accident free for about 63 days (yes, I got a coin for it too), I was sure this
was not an emergency to get my bloomers in a bunch for. Anyway, a little gas and a little tummy
gurgling later and I figured I could finish the ride and be safe. Well, within the next 5 minutes, the pressure
built up and was just too great. I quickly
sat up in astonishment and started fast walking to the room praying I would
make it in time. Whatever the case was,
perhaps the sweat that lubed up my sphincter or just the sheer amount of food
that needed to evacuate, “it” started to come out, there was no holding it back. I still had 200 yards or so to go and some of
it was in my underwear. I began sweating
even more than I already was and could feel the slushing and smearing happening
in my underpants. (Boxer briefs to be
exact) I see her on the balcony still,
phew, and bolt into the bathroom and lock the door. I sit on the bowl quickly to evacuate the
rest of the stool and look down and see nothing short of a crime scene in my
underpants. Even my balls got infected
by the splatter. I do my business and
when I get up, I just see poo all over the seat, and some even traversed onto
my leg. It was a truly a mess! I grab a hand towel and soap it up and
quickly clean the toilet seat to ensure no staining occurs. I soap it up good and clean it off and even
do a sniff test to make sure it does not smell.
I then undress and toss away my underpants and shorts in the waste basket
which had a bag in it. I close that bag up
and quickly dive in the shower and clean off my rear end. Yet another gross scene as some “stuff” was
still in there and rinsed down the drain as it plopped down from my backside. I then spayed cologne in the bathroom to
cover the horrific smell of digested Mexican food. I grabbed the evidence bag and shuffled
outside to look for an outdoor garbage.
I spot a cart that one of the cleaning people use and there was a
garbage receptacle on that. I had no choice and went for it. The cleaning person must have been in a room
cleaning so I stealthed my way to it and dropped the bag in it and dashed out
of there. I then went back to the gym
and finished my 20 minutes on the bike. Mistress Mavros did not discover the true
nature of this event, but merely thought I was just using the bathroom. No more accidents on vacation occurred as I
was more careful to go as soon as the sensation was felt rather than risk it all
over again. Morale of the story? Never play Russian Roulette with your an#s.
Hello, are you still here?
GREAT!
Now about LEGION!!!!
LEGION
WAHOO!! Another old
boss resurrected to bring back the wow gamers?
I don’t even know and most know I don’t care about lore, but is it so
hard to create new stories? Do we really
need to go back in time and re-fight the villains from the past? I digress, I was SUPER fing excited for Warlords. I think elements of it I liked and other
things I disliked immensely. Hmm, let’s
go through them since we have some time.
Shit I hated:
1)
Leveling.
Same grind, different xpac. BLIZ,
I don’t give a shit HOW beautiful the new world is, I hate it all, just get me
to max level with either $$ or with 5 mans or some other way rather than
collecting 10 douches and then going back to kill the douche boss for him to
drop his vial of vinegar to return to some peon in town that claims the world
will end if we do not.
2)
5 mans.
Make them better or more epic or something.
3)
The People’s legendary. Stop it.
We don’t ALL need legendaries. The
grind for them sucks and forces us to do LFR which would PROMISED we wouldn’t have
to do. You lied! Also, we cannot change mains because then we
are too far behind OR we can do even MORE LFR and grinding…YEAH!
4)
Mythic.
Stop it already, make it flexible at ALL levels. Sorry if the top 1% do not like this, they
can go fly a fing kite with my poo on it.
Make all raiding flexible AND cross realm. There, problem fixed, pay me.
5)
The garrison – seriously, worse than old school
dailies. Fun and col for about for 5
minutes.
6)
SPREAD THE FING RAIDS OUT MORE ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU
KNOW YOU WILL have a last tier for 1+ year!
7)
4 piece bonuses.
Enough already change these or make them selectable. I don’t know, they feel like feast or famine. Shit like, “My toon will suck until I get 4
piece” is not good.
8)
Too many raid tiers. Get rid of Normal mode. It is the old flexible mode, but now that Heroic
is flexible why bother with N mode? Make
Mythic flexible and this is perfect. AND
Heroic raiders should never want or need to do LFR. Doing the same boss on LFR, N, then H and
maybe Mythic is nothing short of ridiculous.
9)
Healer disparity. Fix the damn mitigation healers already.
10)
There is more, but I am not a hater. ;)
Shit I liked:
1)
Flexible raiding, see above though
2)
The quality of life changes with bag space was
all good stuff and the other things I am forgetting.
3)
Overall the raid bosses I did on Heroic felt ok
to me. Hellfire Citadel had a few in the
beginning which were straight dumb. The assault
and reaver garbage. Overall though, not
too bad.
4)
The gear sharing between specs is a good
change. Do not need to build completely different
gear sets for alternate specs, just a few pieces.
5)
I am sure there is more, but I forget which is
probably not a good thing.
Legion. Right. Sorry for the tangent.
Legion Raiding
So, Mythic will STILL not be flexible and STILL not be cross
realm. (only cross realm mythic UNTIL
legion). Ugh.
Talents
I hear about these all new talent systems or talents, which
sounds exciting, time will tell.
Artifact Weapons
New artifact weapons.
Great, THE new version of people’s legendaries. So, again, swapping alts, not really an
option once you get into the thick of things.
New class. Demon Hunter, early reports say, best class ever. Uhh great, why not fix the ones we have now?? Also, why not add a 3rd spec to be
ranged if there is insistence on the DH class??
More than just 2 specs
One good thing I heard/read, multiple specs, not just 2
anymore. 3 or maybe even 4 for druids
since they can have 4 specs. So, you can
have all saved and swap between them if necessary. The bad?
Fights might be SO theroycrafted now that you need to change DPS specs
between each boss. That ruins the “fun”
aspect blizz was going for when they removed reforging, etc.
5 Mans
This sounds cool so far.
Can keep ramping up the difficulty ala Diablo to make 5 mans harder and
harder and get some ilevel gear as raiding.
Sounds good, but not sure it’s the best approach. Also, will tier and trink pieces be available? I am guessing no. I guess pre-raid gear will be attained in the
highest 5 man possible and then you go into raid to get trinks and tier
gear. This is my guess. I am ok after further thought. It DOES allow a new main to get geared at
same ilevel sans trinks and tier pieces and maybe get into a raid sooner than
later if your first main was not fun for you or sucked.
Leveling
Start leveling in any zone and it will scale to your current
level. I guess that is fine, but it is
still going to be a QUEST grind to get there.
I guess two different level toons could level in a new area and then
whatever math/algorithm can make the xp split.
Again, not even sure this will work or even matters much. For those that still claim they love to
level, I fart in your general direction…
I seriously would rather PVP for 20 hours then level for 20 hours.
Healer Changes
As a healer, I like what I read about the healer changes
specifically the disco priest. We shall
see how the synergy with some of the stuff I am reading plays out.
That it?
I think there is plenty more to discuss about Legion, but it
is all I can recall for now.
WOW IPs
Blizzard has greatly expanded its brand and now the
multitude of IPs is crazy. I have played
them all to an extent, but none as much as WOW and Diablo. (Unless you include
old school Warcraft, I would LOVE a Warcraft 4 RTS!!) Even still, I feel WOW is and always will be
my favorite game within the IP list.
Yeah, I am sure OW will be good, but I hate FPS and most 10 year olds
are better than all of us. Hearthstone,
I just can’t get into it, I just do not care enough. Heroes of the Storm, fun for a match or two,
then boring again. Starcraft I love
until the campaign is over, then that is it for me. Diablo changes were good in S4, but too easy
to gear and then the lag/monk OPness made it less fun. 2.4 may get me back a little. I just hate the
current best Wizard spec (Vyrs) and I am a Wizard at heart.
MY RETURN?
Do you even care? Do
people reading this even know me? The
guy that always touted being around since Vanilla and would probably always be
around, but has not played in 8+ months?
I stopped playing for a number of reasons one being I was dating and
work, but now I have a mistress. (Although work is still a bit messy, long story…)
I told her about my gaming, but I also told her I quit. It has not come up in a while though, but
there were a few times when she called me and I was playing SC and she knew I
was not paying attention to her. No, she
doesn’t play WOW or any game and she would probably suck at it. She is pretty good at scissoring though.
Maybe some of you miss my stories of poo, sex, dating, beer,
wine, liquor, the feel of Blood’s taint on my cheek, etc. Maybe some hated those stories and
antics. Whatever it was, I am just not
sure. I am not seeing enough changes to
MAKE me want to plunge back in, but Legion may not be out until July/August. I am guessing a few weeks after the movie
comes out. Oh, yeah, speaking of that, the
movie trailer is NOT epic. It is sort of
weird with a lot of catch phrases like, “we must kill the ORCS, ARGH!”, then a
fight scene then, an orc saying, “We must decimate the HUMANS, ARGH!” Will I see it? Of course, but do not tell me it was epic or
whatever the new hipster word for epic is.
Remember when the word for epic was “word”? Or “dope”.
We are a moronic society, aren’t we?
I would say you will have a Mavros sighting in Legion, but
in raid? Still TBD. Anyway, I miss you all.
/touchballs
-Mav
